Last weekend I went to Nan with my Thai friend Queen who I know from my travels last time I was in Thailand. She was my tour guide for the last two weeks of my trip and I have hung out with her several times while I have been here. I got the chance to ask her so many of the things I have been wondering about Thai culture while I was with her. It is rare for me to get to spend a lot of one on one time with someone who has so much personal knowledge about Thailand and is able to talk about it with me since she very fluent in English, so I took advantage of it. Throughout the weekend I asked her everything that I could think of that I have been wanting to know, so it was more of an informal and random interview, but it sure was interesting. I got answers to every question from, “Why do a lot of Thai people have long pinky nails?” to, “What do you think about the various sexual identities present in Thailand?” Well, people have long pinky nails because they use them to pick their nose, but her answer about her ideas about sexual orientation here in Thailand were a little more complicated. She said that people seem to be very comfortable with expressing themselves. There are plenty of ladyboys (transsexuals) and toms (tomboys) all over Thailand and most people seem to barely be affected by it. Not once have I heard a derogatorycomment about someone identifying with the opposite sex or being attracted to the same sex. It is almost like people just leave someones sexual preference to themselves (What a novel idea!). However, Queen told me that many older people, religious institutions, and government members still do not agree with the idea of alternative so the possibility of the legalization of gay marriage is about 20 years off she guessed.
We also talked about a lot of random things:
-Being 25 is bad luck. That is the reason that many men become ordained as monks at this age. It is supposedly dangerous and common for bad things to happen to people at this age. I don’t know where this idea came from or why it is at 25 and not any other year. Queen didn’t explain it so it is kind of a mystery to me, but it isn’t extremely surprising that this belief exists since Thai people tend to be very superstitious.
-I noticed in her truck that there was a painting on the ceiling and when I asked her about it she said it was from when the monk blessed her car. She said that most Buddhist have their cars and motorbikes blessed to help protect them from accidents. Ever since she told me this, I have noticed that every car I get into has a similar painting or sticker that is meant to protect you.
-When we visited a temple, there was a small dome and when we came up to it I realized that it was a representation of hell. I never even knew the idea of hell existed in Buddhism, so it was surprising to me when I saw these statues begin tortured in several different ways. Queen told me that there are 5 main things that can get you into hell: Adultery, lying. using too many substances, killing animals or people, and stealing. Depending of the extremity of the crime you get certain amount of times in hell before you are reborn. She told me that it is actually common for monks to go to hell since they have many more rules to follow and therefore many more to break. Her father used to own a slaughter house, but her mother made him sell it because he she was worried that the killing of the animals would cause him to go to hell.
-I talked to her about prostitution in Thailand, because it is such a big problem. She said some people do it to make easy money and use it to buy nice things for themselves, but she did seem to understand though that some people send a lot of money home as a way to make a good amount of money to support their families. The idea of prostitution is so difficult, because it is such a terrible thing and very dangerous to the people involved, but it is one of the more lucrative careers to have in Thailand. Even though it is illegal, is is prevalent everywhere. She said the harder you work for your money, the more likely you are to save it. Since prostitution is a quick way to make a lot of money, most women spend their money very quickly. As prostitutes get older she said a lot of them die of HIV or end up homeless and go back home to work in rice fields. I asked Queen how she felt about old foreign men with young Thai girls (which is a very common sight in Thailand, especially in certain areas of town) and she said, “it is disgusting.” She herself prefers to date foreigners, so I asked her if she sometimes feels like people think she is a prostitute because she is with a foreigner. She said she sometimes does and will occasionally get looks from people (especially if she is dressed up), but to help herself avoid that feeling, she will make sure that she pays for herself when she goes places. She has kind of gotten over it though because she knows who she is.
-I have noticed that consumerism is becoming very popular in Thailand and to me it seems so against Buddhist philosophy, so I asked her what she thought of all this new technology and “stuff”. She said that technology can sometimes cause problems like easier access to pornography, but it really depends on the person. She also mentioned that many young girls become prostitutes becausethey want money to buy phones and clothes, so that is definitely a negative impact of technology. I think she has become very westernized because of her constant exposure to foreigners, so she has definitely been impacted by globalization here.
-Queen has eaten tiger, bear, crocodile, squirrel, and rabbit. She used to go out into the jungle with her brothers and sad and sometimes they would find an animal and eat it.
-Queen has had 5 different names that have been changed by her mother because a fortune teller told her that that name would cause her bad luck, but her nickname has always been queen. Her current name is Supicha and is only about 5 years old.
So as you can see I learned a lot from Queen over my weekend in Nan. It may not have been a formal of focused interview, but I learned more from her about current Thai culture in three days than I did the whole time I was here before that trip.
Over the weekend I also got to go to her cousins wedding with her. It was very different than any wedding I have been to back in the States. They had to negotiate the dowry in the beginning. The groom had to pass through several gates as the dowry got higher. The ceremony is held at the home of the bride or groom most often, unless the house is too small and then they have it at a school or something similar. In this case it was at the brides parents home, but there were going to be two more ceremonies; one at the grooms in the south and one in Bangkok, where the couple primarily lives. The only thing i recognised in the weddin was the exchanging of rings. There was a Kuan ceremony where each guest came to tie a string around each of the couple’s wrists to wish them happiness and then received a gift. They also had some Buddhist chants and a speaker. At the end of the ceremony, the couple got into a bed that was layed by a couple who had had a long successful marriage and every one went in to take pictures. Then they were left there for about half and hour until they came down to have lunch with the guests. So there was no. “now you may kiss the bride,” but they definitely got some alone time. Queen told me that in very traditional weddings, the couple is left there for three days! Overall, the wedding seemed to be much more about the family and guests than it was about the couple, which is typical of Thai to be more community oriented than individual.
That whole weekend was such a great experience, and I am so lucky to have a friend like Queen to share these things with me.